| Aug. 20th, 2006 @ 08:25 pm Summer's End |
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Current Mood:  contemplative
Current Music: "Swallowed in the Sea" Coldplay
August 20th. I can't believe the shadows are lengthening at the dusk of this month already; I cannot believe that autumn is a month away. Summer 2006 was a blur of bagels. I seriously cannot figure out where all the time went. And I hear it only gets worse as you get older. My dear will I be in a pickle.
So time to reflect on this summer, because I'm going to be so busy for the next 5 days that I'm not going to be able to write a proper entry.
It's a summer of regrets. Not bitter, stinging, life-draining regrets, but the little gnat regrets that make you look back on a time with twinges of sadness. Don't get me wrong, I've had a pretty good summer, but not like what I wanted. For one thing, I wasted a good $150 for gym membership that I went to probably 10 times the entire summer (if that...). I regret that big time. I regret not asking for a raise at work. I regret not going outside more (and not just b/c I'm super pale already and it's the end of summer). I wish I read more. I only got to read _Mists of Avalon_, 2 Harry Potters, _A Gift From the Sea_, and I'm now rereading _LOTR_ (I'm only on _FOTR_).
I think my biggest regret is what everyone's tends to be: I wish I had spent more time with people and had gotten to catch up with them more. I never realized how hard it is to stay in touch with people, and as I suspect I have a slight social anxiety problem, it's even harder for me. But I always end up regretting not returning a phone call, or not emailing someone. I have a tendency to keep people at arm's length; I don't know why, exactly, whether it's because I'm afraid of them hurting me or what, but I do. I wish I could've hung out with everyone more; 2 times over the span of a year just isn't enough to reforge old bonds that have begun to weaken. Unfortunately I realize this too late, as always. But it's always so easy to look back and find regrets; I will do this no more.
Andrew and I broke up. It was one of the hardest things for me to do, but I'm glad we did. It was mutual. We had talked about it for about a week and thought we had worked stuff out, but we both had something in the back of our minds telling us that we needed to break up. I honestly feel confident that it was God; I had prayed that if there was a time we were supposed to break up, that we'd both feel it. And it hurt, and I cried, but afterwards, I felt such a peace, the kind of peace that comes from obeying God. I still get twinges of heartbreak, but nothing too bad. The thing that hurts the most is not saying "I love you" when we say goodbye, because I do still love him, but it's just not appropriate. We're staying really close friends, and I still consider him one of my closest friends, but I kinda realized that we can never be as close as we were when we dated. We might get back together, we might not, but I really feel like I need to take time for me and God right now, so if we do get back together, it will be a while. Plus chances are he'll find an incredibly beautiful and talented singer and...yeah. :)
Went to a *party* Saturday night at Scott Beckler's and got to see a few folks I hadn't seen in like a year, which was nice. This coming 5 days is going to be like the most social 5 days of my life. And I'm already tired. |
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